Just a heads up, before you read this and think, "Christ, ol' Cheeks is really lettin' herself go... this post looks not right
... And for the love of God, why is she never, never
wearing pants?" Well, it's because I'm working on a MAC, you ungrateful bastards, despite my previous disavowing of all things "retarded." I hope somebody held Steve Jobs down on the playground and farted on his face repeatedly in grade school, because pre-2000 MACs now rank just below "communists," "Navy movers," and "Paris Hilton" on my "Things I Really Fucking Hate" list.
So, no picture, no links, and no source. And some old news: don't marry a soft-core porn star. Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra are calling it quits after two and a half years of reality-televised bliss. They seemed so perfect for one another! An overexposed playmate and a... what the fuck was Dave Navarro before her? Some kind of musician?
The Goo-Goo Dolls, maybe? Wow, what a faggot! I can't believe anyone who was a part of the "Goo-Goo Dolls" hasn't been a victim of a hate crime. Or maybe ten hate crimes.
And PETA's classiest spokesperson, Pam "Heppie C" Anderson, is finally tying the knot with a gas station attendant from Smyrna, Tennessee. At least, I think that's who it was, from the picture. It might have been a played-out white-trash cock-rock mullet named Kid Rock. Either way, I predict months
of marital happiness and several cringe-inducing sex tapes before they end up in court, arguing over the proceeds of said sex tapes.
That's all the "spank" I can squeeze out of this piece-of-shit MAC for today. I'm going to go look for my pants now.